Church Yesterday

So my church is definitely going down hill. Down a steep hill. Very fast. It used to be a good church with a powerful message to help you be a better person and lead a better life, but now it is just a show. One indicator is that my church bought out and renovated an old movie theatre. Another could be the fact that the people there clap ALL THE TIME. They clap after every song, always, as if it was a concert instead of worship. Sometimes they won't shut up, and it usually comes back to that 'one-guy' who decided to start the clap. However, it is funny sometimes when he tries to start a clap and only a few people join in- fail! Haha. Anyways, so aside from the big band, stage setting and clapping something very interesting happened yesterday. First off, my pastor has suddenly come into the habit of entertaining the crowd rather than preaching. He tells wild stories and jokes that vaguely relate to the message at best. Yesterday's topic was about finding God's treasure in your life or something cheesy like that. You know what they did? They showed a video clip of Pirates of the Caribbean, and then our pastor came on stage wearing full-blown pirate gear and talking like a buccaneer. You know- "Aar Matey" and "scallywag" and all that. He had a giant hat with a huge feather, a bright red coat and a hook in one hand. It was funny, but come on man, this is church. I'm not saying it has to be uptight, but seriously, it has become a show instead of a place to better yourself. And the show isn't that good either.

Baby Voices

I'm sure most of you have heard people speak in their "baby voices" when an infant is around. If not, then you are extremely lucky. People's baby voices are straight-up ridiculous, and are embarrassing to witness. I just feel sorry for them, and the baby; I'm sure the baby doesn't want to be spoken to like that. Everyone knows that kids always want to feel grown up and adults want to be kids- it's ironic, but I digress. Back to baby voices. Yesterday at a family party I was forced to witness and endure one of the worst baby voices on the face of the planet. This aunt of mine thought she was amusing a little baby (like 1 year old) by speaking in an outrageous cutesy baby voice. I was trying to eat, and almost threw up. It wasn't like a one time thing either, she went on and on for at least 10 minutes talking to this baby who just stared back at her with droopy cheeks. But that wasn't the worst part. My aunt decided to sing the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song to the baby, in her baby voice, about 20 times in a row. OH MY GOD! It was brutal. The funniest thing was that her baby voice carried over to her normal conversation for a few minutes when an adult asked her a question. I wish you could have been there to witness it, but then again, you probably wouldn't have wanted to be there. Almost everybody uses this alternate voice and it is really funny to notice. And it's not just with babies- it mostly occurs with animals (especially dogs). People just need to stop embarrassing themselves like that, but it is a prime target if you are looking for someone to make fun of. So the next time you see somebody asking their chihuahua in their purse what kind of dog biscuit they would like best because "they are the bestest cutest most precious little puppy in the world, yes they are" - go ahead and laugh out loud as you walk by. Maybe even tell your friends.

Movie Experience

Yesterday my friends and I decided to go see the movie "Extract" with Jason Bateman and Mila Kunis. I had one of the typical terrible experiences before the movie even started. Here it goes. First of all, the movie cost $5.50 because I had a coupon. However, I only had $3 in cash, so the other $2.50 was in quarters (not much compared to the times I paid $9 for a movie in quarters. lol). Anyways, so we walk up to the ticket booths and there is a small line. I get in one line and my friends get in the other. Wouldn't you know, their line moved faster. I didn't switch because I was fidgeting with my quarters, trying to get them all in order. So they both paid and had their tickets, and there I was stuck in line behind some old lady. I saw the other ticket window was open (nobody in line) and when I was about to go over there, some guy rushed in ahead of me. Typical. So there I was still stuck behind the lady. Of course, she took forever to get her ticket (for Extract too, actually). So FINALLY I get up to the window and say, "One for Extract, please" as I hand her my coupon. Then she asks for my I.D.! Oh my gosh, that just was the icing on the cake. Both my friends didn't get asked for their I.D.'s and there I was, forced to fumble through my wallet to prove that I was old enough to see the movie. I mean, come on, you only have to be 17 to see R rated movies, and I am 19. I don't look that young; it was so bothersome. Maybe if I was a girl it would be flattering. So I showed her my I.D. and handed her the money. I was glad it was quarters, but deep inside, wished I payed with pennies just to make her suffer. That annoying little prick.

Soreness

Being sore sucks. You don't really realize how much you use a certain muscle until it's sore. Do you ever feel like if you stretch it too fast you will tear your muscle apart? I hope that isn't possible. In a way, being sore helps you appreciate your muscles during their healthy state. Take your abs for example. If your abs are sore, just about any activity you try to do will be marred with a bit of painful sting. Funny thing is, whenever you're sore in a particular area, it always seems that you need to use that muscle. No matter what. Same thing goes for when you get a cut or bruise or some other injury. Let's say you get a blister on your hand somewhere- everything you touch seems to poke the blister, doesn't it? It's like the world's cruel joke: if you are hurt somewhere, the world makes sure to pain you in that spot. By that justification, we should all poke fun at sore losers. They are sore (at losing) so it is only right that we make it worse for them, right?

The Donut Man

Okay so here's a funny little story from my life. So, after church on Sundays my family got into the habit of going to a little donut shop, called RB Donuts. We would go every Sunday. The shop was run by an Asian couple who could speak English, but had pretty heavy accents. Anyways, since we would go so often, the man would recognize my brothers and me. We would usually order the same donut: I would get a maple bar, Tyler would get a chocolate twist and Derek would get a strawberry cruller. Well, after a few weeks, the Donut Man (Asian shop owner) began remembering our orders. On a couple occasions, we would just walk in the shop and he would put our usual donuts into a bag for us. It was funny. We would change it up a few times (my brothers mostly) but I usually got a maple bar. Eventually, the Donut Man began calling me "Maple Bar." That was my name. When I went away to college my brothers went to the donut shop without me and Donut Man would ask where "Maple Bar" was. My brothers would explain that I was in college. During breaks when I was home, he would immediately recognize me and grab a maple bar for me. So that is our relationship: Donut Man and Maple Bar. Yesterday I saw Donut Man in a department store- it was so weird. He didn't have a maple bar to give me. It was sad, but then again, it wasn't Sunday.

Run-In With "Woo Girls"

Alright so last night my family and I went to Bucca di Beppo (or something like that) which is a family style Italian restaurant. It is very unique and has tons of pictures on the wall of random people. Most of them are in black and white. I noticed something funny about those photos: they contained a lot of fat people. I'm not trying to be mean, but I was scared that their food would make me fat or something. Why else would they have a bunch of really fat people on the wall? It was creepy. There was also a photo of some nuns frolicking in the water at a beach (with all their nun gear on). It was pretty funny. Anyways, we sat near a room that apparently contained a large party of people (like 50) and from what I could gather, they were hosting some kind of going away party or something like that. They were so obnoxious. They would randomly burst into cult-like chants of random things for several minutes that would be followed by giggling and applause. They were SO LOUD. It wasn't that bad, but then came the wooing. I think they were handing out awards or something, but seriously, they all erupted into a big 'WOO' about every 30 seconds. It got so annoying. The table next to us got really peeved, and would say things like "Hey were trying to talk over here" and "Is there a door we can close?" I agreed, their 'wooing' got way out of hand. I mean, a couple 'woos' here and there are okay, but to 'woo' that much over the period of about 20 minutes is just unacceptable. I responded the only way I could, by making fun of them. They probably didn't hear me, but my brother and I started to 'woo' after minor things. For example: I would say, "I just took a bite of food!" WOO! or "These pretzels are making me thirsty" WOO! It went on and on. But still, it very bothersome to hear them 'woo.' The only thing that may have saved them was that some of the girls were cute. Anyways, that is my blog post for today. WOO!!!

Hooray for Naps!

Yay naps! They are so amazing. And refreshing. And wonderful. And cool. And awesome. Anyways, I could go on for a while discussing all of the cool adjectives that describe naps, and you probably could too. I just took a nap today, and I gotta say, no matter how tired you are, they always feel good. Even if you aren't that tired, you will wake up refreshed and revitalized. They are always good, and promote good health, good grades and a good attitude. Have you heard that a 30 minute nap each day is good for you? However, if you go over that amount you could jeopardize your sleeping patterns. Whatever. Who wants to take a 30 minute nap. I tried to once, even set an alarm, but I just hit snooze- for another hour. Naps are great. You can take on in a car, you can take one in a bar. You can have one in bed, you can have one in a shed. You can have one in a chair, you can have one anywhere!