Candy Corn

It's Halloween time, and that means its time to break out the candy corn. Yay candy corn. Seriously though, I get tired of eating it after 3 of them or so. It's almost like I forget that I don't really like them. I would like to know when the last time candy corn was manufactured though, because it could have been made in the stone age and still taste the same. There isn't really an expiration date, so how do you know when it's bad? I think the flavor they make it in is called: Stale. Because other than that, it just tastes like sugar.

Juxtaposition

So what's with the word "juxtaposition"? I can't stand it. It's just one big, unnecessary word that essentially means the same thing as comparison. In my writing class last quarter, I swear it was used at least five times a day, as if the kids in that class wanted to sound all smart and stuff. "If you look at the juxtaposition between these characters...." UGH! I hated it. Just because you're in college doesn't mean you should go around using fancy words that sound stupid. Personally, I don't even think it made them sound smarter, because smarter people use words that can be understood and related to - otherwise people would never know they are smart; it just would sound like mumbo-jumbo (which is a cool phrase b.t. dubs). So, to sum it all up, I think 'juxtaposition' is an unnecessary english word that is proof that we have way too many words. It is definitely one that shouldn't be used, I mean, just say, "if we compare" or "the comparison between." It is exactly the same thing and doesn't sound as lame.

Grapes

Eating grapes is sometimes the biggest gamble of your life. Out of an entire bunch, there might be only a few good ones. However, it can be really difficult to notice until after you have bitten into the delectable little purple (or green) thing. I personally prefer crunchy grapes that are NOT squishy at all. Haven't really asked around, but I hope nobody likes those soggy death grapes that make you feel like you are chewing on a piece of moldy wet cardboard. I get so freaked out when I pop a grape into my mouth, bite down, and realize that it is a soggy one. I think I'll get mold poisoning or something. Grapes can be dangerous; don't swallow one too fast. However, they are absolutely perfect for tossing into the air and catching (or attempting to catch) in your mouth. They are even great to toss them to a friend, or throw at a friend, or put in a fruit salad (cuz they're a fruit) and even tacos (so I've heard). That's all I have to say about that.

Extra Ketchup

Don't you hate it when you're eating chicken nuggets (or something similar that requires ketchup) and you get down to the last couple and run out of ketchup? It's so annoying. You are then faced with quite the dilemma: do I get more ketchup for the last nugget and a half, or tough it out "sans ketchup"? You know in your heart that if you get more ketchup you will likely get too much, and waste a substantial amount. However, if you don't get more ketchup, the remaining chicken nuggets will be extra dry and make you feel like your mouth is crossing the Sahara Desert in the summertime. (okay maybe not that bad, but you get my point). Ultimately, the decision is up to you. Choose wisely.

Ja Hot Tub

Jacuzzis (otherwise known as a hot tub) are so much fun. I think the best time for them is when it is cloudy outside. It is just a perfect mix of cool and warm. Just awesome. I also find it very interesting to go in the hot tub while it is raining; that is an even wackier experience: you are in hot water, but getting pelted with cold water. Just awesome. Hot tubs are even perfect for when you are exhausted after a hard day of work, or a tough work-out or sporting game. It literally melts the stress and pain off of you (and probably even evaporates it - that's how you send your troubles to god). Maybe that's what jacuzzis really are: a subconscious method of prayer. God invented them as a way to evaporate your troubles so they rise up to him and he takes care of it. But when he is fed up with your whining, well, that is what rain is. So you really gain nothing to be in a jacuzzi while it's raining. Feels good though.

Chairs

It's really not fair for a chair to break when you sit down on it. You rely on it for support, but it just buckles under the pressure. On top of that, everyone around you thinks you are really fat, because who else would cause a perfectly good chair to break? Maybe it was just that chair's time to go. It's life was a mess, and it fell apart. You can try duct tape, you can try glue, but there really isn't anything you can do. Once a chair breaks, it is broken, and broken it will stay. As a way to get back at the chair for the humiliation it caused you (when you broke it by trying to sit down) you could chop it up into pieces and feed it to the fire; that'll show it a lesson that will be burned onto it's memory forever. If a chair has a nightmare, do you think that the lumberjack is its worst enemy? I bet they hate Paul Bunyan. Oh well. Moral of the story: don't be so fat that you sit down on a chair and break it; it will cause you embarrassment.

Cut the Bagel

Man, I hate it when I cut a bagel unevenly. It has to be one of the worst things in the world. I get all excited to eat a scrumptious bagel, bust out the knife, and then before you know it, look down to see two "halves" that are utterly pathetic. One is like 1 cm thick while the other is like 3 inches. Way to go, Kyle. It pretty much ruins the entire bagel-eating experience. I try to put the halves in the toaster, but the fatter one won't fit because I cut it so poorly, and the skinnier one gets burnt to a crisp. They probably invented it already, but it would be so cool if there was an automatic bagel slicer that cuts them perfectly in half. That way, I wouldn't have to suffer the humiliation of failing. And practice doesn't make perfect, because I have cut hundreds of bagels, but am still susceptible to the occasional mis-cut. It is likely that, or I am stupid. Either way, I feel like an idiot each time I don't cut the bagel right.