Cut the Bagel

Man, I hate it when I cut a bagel unevenly. It has to be one of the worst things in the world. I get all excited to eat a scrumptious bagel, bust out the knife, and then before you know it, look down to see two "halves" that are utterly pathetic. One is like 1 cm thick while the other is like 3 inches. Way to go, Kyle. It pretty much ruins the entire bagel-eating experience. I try to put the halves in the toaster, but the fatter one won't fit because I cut it so poorly, and the skinnier one gets burnt to a crisp. They probably invented it already, but it would be so cool if there was an automatic bagel slicer that cuts them perfectly in half. That way, I wouldn't have to suffer the humiliation of failing. And practice doesn't make perfect, because I have cut hundreds of bagels, but am still susceptible to the occasional mis-cut. It is likely that, or I am stupid. Either way, I feel like an idiot each time I don't cut the bagel right.